Why Doesn't

The Damned Thing Ring!

Just now I sprinted into the other room to answer it but there was silence when I said hello. They waited and I waited, and quite a little tension built itself up before I finally won. There was a click and the humming tone began. My prize for admirable endurance was a dead, dead phone heavy in my hand. Black rock. But before that click and hum, I'd lost a house-sized chunk of self-respect. The suspense had gotten too much for me standing there wanting so hard and praying between gritted teeth, and I'd blurted into the void, "Please say something. I want you to.”

Yes, for just a minute there I thought it might be you. Don't ask me where I got such a silly idea but it was fun while it lasted. The thought of you caring this much whether I was home or not, or of dialing whether you spoke or not, was full of happy, tooting trumpets and anywhere between fifteen and twenty thousand singing voices. After the click, I came to and said, "Him do a thing like this? Hell, he's too honest to be this flattering. Besides, he's forgotten your number and he'll be forgetting your name any day now. Climb off it, stupid." So I climbed off it and got semi-mad at whoever it had been on the phone. Then

I began walking around the place and arguing with you all over again as if you were here.

-

Now, Buster, I know very well you don't like being liked the way I like you. It disgusts you to be clung to and doted on and sobbed over, because the cling, the dote and the sob. all hamper you in your Great Chase. A scalp in the belt of a Great Lover makes for a full, rich life but when it hasn't been detached from the victim, the Splendid Seek is slowed to a domestic crawl. It must be very annoying to lug around a trophy that bawls. What's more, I embarrass you. Any sort of real attachment in a thing like this, just isn't right somehow. To be acceptable, it should be one great big whoop and a lot of little hollars, and someday not too soon a settling down with a nice, respectable girl and hewing a family out of nature, nerves and a brave little joint savings account.

-

All this is understandable — I really mean it and I'd have packed my lacy heart long ago and left if it hadn't been for one thing. It so happens you have our time all planned out weeks ahead, bright projects sparkling in your eyes, and the second ticket is always for

page 3